Computer problems.

Your beloved satire and silliness-laced horror blog is overflowing with sadness due to a lack of regular updates. Sure, I get stuff up every week, but not with the frequency I'd like.  My computer has been on the fritz for a long time now and it doesn't allow me to be productive like it did in the good old days when it was shiny, top-of-the-line and brand new.

For those who

AHMP: Caltiki the Undying Monster

Subject: Caltiki the Undying Monster.  1959, Dir. Riccardo Freda.

Preliminary remarks:
Caltiki the Undying Monster was also released as Caltiki the Immortal Monster for those who cannot handle the sheer volume of terror conjured up by the word undying.  The film revolves around atomic energy blasts from space reviving the age-old monster worshiped by voodoo loving natives.

AHMP: Beast from 20,000 Fathoms

Subject: The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms.  1953, Dir. Eugène Lourié.

Preliminary remarks:
A full year before atomic testing released Godzilla upon Tokyo, atomic testing released this beast from 20,000 fathoms upon New York City.  Who knows what waits for us in nature's no-man's land?  I do.  It's in the damn poster.

ANALYSIS:
From where, you say?  I'll wait here.  This could

AHMP: Dr. Terror's House of Horrors

Subject: Dr. Terror's House of Horrors.  1965, Dir. Freddie Francis.

Preliminary remarks:
This thoroughly charming Amicus anthology tells of the fates of five people through the Tarot cards of the fiendish Dr. Terror.  Trailer.

ANALYSIS:
Meet Dr. Terror.  Half green.  Half Caucasian.  All drunk.

Bum gloves help facilitate the dealing of fates during inclement weather.

AHMP: Black Sunday

Subject: Black Sunday.  1960, Dir. Mario Bava.

Preliminary remarks:
Black Sunday is not to be confused with Black Sabbath from 1963, also by Mario Bava.  That was the three-story anthology with Boris Karloff.  This is the one with Barbara Steele.  Here, Black Sunday is the tale of a witch and her servant who come back from the grave for vengeance with Steele possessing the

AHMP: The Treasure of Dracula

Subject: The Treasure of Dracula (aka El tesoro de Drácula; El vampiro y el sexo).  1969, Dir. René Cardona.

Preliminary remarks:
First off, The Treasure of Dracula is one of the weakest titles I've ever seen for a horror movie.  Not one of the worst, but certainly one of the weakest.  It's incredible how the addition of just one word can ruin everything.  Here, it's the

AHMP: The Terror

Subject: The Terror.   1963, Roger Corman.

Preliminary remarks:
This movie represents the ultra-rare pairing of two horror greats: Boris Karloff near the end of his reign and Jack Nicholson, just beginning his own foray into horror stardom.  Here, the berserk Baron Victor Frederick Von Leppe may or may not turn out to be who he claims.  And who he claims to be doesn't sit